Smile please - random innocence

Reposting cuz this SO.DAMN.FUNNY. pic.twitter.com/XvtKqCHPEI

— Muhammad Usama Khan (@BohemianRevolt) October 6, 2016

Pak-Afghan border crossing post -- traveller asked to put his backpack in scanner - puts himself also through it! pic.twitter.com/u00hPuVpAM

— omar r quraishi (@omar_quraishi) September 2, 2016

Tastefully abusive - Christine Fair

But I bet you haven't the kapure to take this issue up. So instead you bleat like a sacrificial bakra. https://t.co/SLKOyvaNJi

— (((Christine Fair))) (@CChristineFair) October 16, 2016

I've used the above tweet to introduce Christine Fair, Associate Professor Georgetown University whose research focuses on political and military affairs in South Asia  (FYI: all sophisticated people of the sub-continent: Kapure are balls/testicles, bund is ass, chum is kiss, chitte is fair). I am no expert in International affairs to comment on her academic prowess but one thing I know she is very funny. She easily establishes her expertise on South Asia by making strategic use of Punjabi / Urdu in her tweets.

Cannot believe this lying weasel @LodhiMaleeha told her handlers at @PakEmbassyDC I want to "kiss and make up." Mere chitte bund chum sakte! https://t.co/8VTYAYWPyL

— (((Christine Fair))) (@CChristineFair) October 17, 2016

A number of her desi (generally Indian) followers admire Christine's language skills:

@CChristineFair you know more of Hindi/Urdu than any desi here. You mastery of cuss words is stunning!! Hahaha! At times you are cute! https://t.co/RTVZZcsNHI

— Shrini Gopalan (@shrinigopalan) October 17, 2016

It's interesting to see Christine using Urdu / Punjabi to drive home points. She often rubs elite of the subcontinent  wrong way. Recently she decided to make public, her private conversation with Maliha Lodhi, Pakistani Ambassador to the UN.

Nothing. Now she will have to crawl back to @PakEmbassyDC with her dum between her taangs like the jjutti kutti she is. #donottreadonme https://t.co/wYgGpq2fQN

— (((Christine Fair))) (@CChristineFair) October 17, 2016

It was a polite chat initiated by Lodhi but the way she made it public, was an instant hit with Indians. She is a big critic of Pak army and that is why very popular in India. But a lot of people in India mistake her criticism of Pak army as support to Indian bigotry - as a result we regularly see bloody Hindu noses also on Twitter.

You're an idiot. They are as "Hindu" as I am Scottish. And you're a blocked idiot. No time for foolios. And you're a foolio. https://t.co/q88uFlgOWf

— (((Christine Fair))) (@CChristineFair) October 17, 2016

This blog doesn't intend to discuss international politics but to tickle you. I find Christine, funny who manages to grab attention while discussing serious topics. And in the end, I want to share two more examples, enjoy!




She wanted to sign her book for an army officer with:

"Sub se bare chutiya ke liye."

And then she told the person who asked for a signed copy:

"And, if that was not acceptable, "Cattar sahab mere bund chum sakte hain."

Love in Crazy Times by KV Gautam

I still remember the basement of a residential building where I first met KV Gautam. This multi-talented guy was sitting in an office which had an air of mysticism and no sign board. Every query that came to mind found a shady answer that afternoon.  But my desperation for job was mightier than the issues I could fathom.  I decided to be KV’s colleague – as if I had many choices. :-)

We have spent some of our craziest times together in cubby holes of Delhi’s corporate world. And here is an account of those times in the novel Love in Crazy Times by KV Gautam. The book is a work of fiction but I can tell you a lot of it is set in reality.  As I was flipping page after page the time we spent together did a rewind.

Hilarious at times this tale of a young man is a commentary on our society. It has a bit of everything – caste system, parental pressure, corporate manipulation and other evils – a young man struggles with. And like any good story it eventually has an exciting finish.  Read it today to see shades of your own struggles.

Click here to get your copy from

Student counsellor

Meeting one of the best friends and my first colleague turned many leaves backward so here I am back to blog. My first office in life was a funny and weird place. It’s vivid in mindscape, i walked out of my childhood friend's room on 24 May 04 to do the first ever job hunt of my life. I took an auto to Camp to catch Ring Road Mudrika for Ashram. From Ashram I’d to take another bus for my Mahtura Road destination. The destination was a swank office of Rai University, a multi-level stone and wood marvel – good enough to overwhelm me. But the experience awaiting me was just more exhilarating then i could have imagined in my wildest dreams.

Here is a man from small town surrounded by young girls staring, pulling and making all sorts of advances. Those white caps and white Ts were adding to these modern and beautiful women’s personality. My jaw dropped the moment i entered the premise. I never knew i was such a big talent or hunk or whaterver…something big that all these girls were giving me unprecedented attention.

The smartest of them all was quick to ask, “Hiiiiiiiiii, what’s your good name?” But i was, honestly, interested in answering questions of another girl, who was not asking. Still i made sure that i answered facing her: Rr..AHUl. I ensured that it sounded as cool as possible somewhere close to Rahuls played by SRK. The girl instantly picked my name. She was using my name as if we'd known each other for ages.

“OK Rahul where are you from?”

"I am originally from…Arm…i belong to Lucknow…Ahem…i come from Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh but currently i am sharing room with my childhood friend in Mukherjee Nagar Delhi. He is preparing for IAS (i meant thus i am closer to power)". Now after years i can tell you, i was not that close to power since he could not clear IAS.

The girl was very comforting; sensing my nervousness, she put her hand on my shoulder, came extremely close to me and i got happily uncomfortable. She asked, “So Rahul! what have you done", thrusting herself in me in a crowded corridor. As if i am the only good man there who would not violate limits…of course i was (still am) good. I was on the verge of falling in love when the girl asked in which stream you are interested in.

I want to become public relations manager. She said, "i am sure you will become one day and a very successful one" with a twinkle in her eyes accompanied with a meaningless, for me, smirk. “Shall i register you for our Bachelor in Mass communications entrance?”

“No!!!...please!!!...actually!!!”

“I am here to apply for Public relations officer's post you advertised in TOI while showing my multi-tasking skills i pulled out dog-eared cutting of the ad.”

The same smirk was back on her face when i first mentioned the term Public Relations Officer and quickly turned into disgust. In the mean time, other girls started giggling; she in her sternest tone uttered, "you should have told me before" And i wanted to say, "you should have asked me before i am already in love." Before i could utter anything she walked across the long hall with green granite flooring."

A coffee-wallah who was directed towards me before the hell broke was given a subtle instruction: "no need to entertain now." The girl i was in love discussed something with a well rounded lady standing at the end of that impressive hall full of teak wood furniture and immaculate interior.

The lady walked towards me and as her face became clearer, i was like, "i am late by 20 years otherwise i could have seen you in prime." Her face was beautiful and was telling it all about her glorious past. She flung a form towards me and told, in her musical voice, "you need to fill this and send it to us we will consider."

The newspaper ad was very clear walk-in-interviews. The ad missed to mention the position was only for females that i came to know much later when i joined the same group after good 2 years. I took the form came out and started walking only to realize that I couldn’t feel the heat and distance in the cosy company of the young (I want to write hot) chic. Oh God!!! How badly i was missing her that i couldn't even realize that i was rejected in my first ever job hunt without consideration.

While filling the entry-exit register i could see another young boy breathless standing amidst those girls. And the lady sitting at the counter introduced me to a new term by asking a question: “How was our STUDENT COUNSELLOR, can you please fill this feedback form?”

My answer, “SEDUCTIVE”.

Similar posts: Delli Belly

MunnaBHAI thinking about BAHENJI...Manyta is worried

Find out why Manyta is unhappy...

Amartya Sen lacks sense of humour....

I just couldn't help sharing this. Times of India (April 21, 2009) Front page just below masthead one of the lead stories:
MULAYAM'S PROMISE TO BAN ENGLISH LEAVES AMARTYA SEN FUMING

It's a cracker of a story Amartya Sen either lacks understanding of humour or he lacks it completely. At least in this case, he completely missed the joke of our reverend leader Dharti putra (the son of the soil or shall i say soiled son) Mulayam Singh Yadav.
(Visualize: on his left his right hand man Amar Singh thinking about the next Bollywood star in his party and on his right Big B not this time it's Jhappi-Pappi Sanjay Dutt).

Mulayam Singh cracks this joke before every election BAN ENGLISH...BAN COMPOOTER, and gets votes because of his sense humour. And poor Nobel laureate Amartya Sen started fearing that Nobel Academy might ask him translate all his work in Hindi because of Mulayam.

Sir ji – No worries…it was a joke. Sada (our) Mulayam is quite mulayam (soft) on this promise in his election manifesto.

TV news???

Can you find the acronym TV news for me???

Over the period of last three months I have not viewed much of Indian TV news. But whatever I have seen I can derive one Taleban Views News.

All our reporters know more about Taleban than our intelligence agencies. I even suspect Taleban knows less about themselves than our own Deepak Chaurasia, Sumit Awasthi, Rajdeep Sardesai, Sagarika Ghosh, how can I forget Barkha Dutt…I owe one post in the honour of our own the one and only Lioness of Kargil, Gujrat, Gulf...Barkha.

If anyone can offer something better and authentic for this abbreviation TV news I will be grateful. Like Tootay Views (broken views) News, Tadkeywale Vichar (spiced up views) News…Punchline for news channel will be tooti khabrein bikharte reporters (broken news scattered reporters) - ODTV.

Feel free to let your imagination fly...waise bhi ham feel hi to jada free kartein hai…In any case we feel excessively free. Don't you trust me??? Look at our roads all the streaks on walls and puddles at footpaths will tell you the tales of our freedom.

I think I am lost in the freedom of expression… ;)

Delhi 6 - It's easy to HATE...difficult to LOVE???"

Delhi 6 is pin code, you no longer use, of Chandni Chowk, old Delhi.

Film critics (big intelligent people) say it’s not bad I say it’s good.

Characters not to be ignored: Gobar, Jalebi, Fakir with a mirror, Hanuman devotee Muslim shopkeeper, and of course Mashakali (pigeon)…Kala Bandar (Hate)

The movie is full of metaphors and brilliant narrative of internal turmoil of characters. As a people we are not free. And to get freedom what all is at stake, family, culture, values, society, religion and our eternal propensity to hate (KALA BANDAR (monkey) in the movie).

Lessons: The character Gobar (mean: duffer) was a common household help but with uncommon intelligence. Ordinary people (Jalebi and Gobar) possess extraordinary understanding of issues. Their questions are better (any time) than so-called well educated / elite and especially better than our politicians who get money to ask questions in the parliament.

Question: why it’s so easy to hate, find difference and disagree and so difficult to LOVE unconditionally?

What is he saying...there is some truth in it?

The first President to...

Soon-not-anymore American President George W. Bush ruled his country for eight years with ease, fun and quite humorously. He completed his father's agenda of finishing Saddam. And he had a lot more to his credit in every year of his rule.

But he will remember the year 2008 as a terrifically successful year. He rescued American giant AIG. He attempted to rescue the failing economy of the US. He bombed Syria.

And heads and shoulders above any other achievement was the distinction of becoming the first American President to be attacked by shoe…not once…but twice…double mazaa.

Can anybody tell…why is he not happy after the incidence? Because of the disgrace it brought...no not all...because he missed the opportunity to become the first American President to be beaten by shoes - while in office and in public.

And a congress committee, enquiring the issue, held top FBI official and president personal staff who failed to fathom any such scenario which could have fetched him opportunity to become the first.

He sacked his medical team because they had kept him so fit that his quick reflexes enabled him to evade the shoe.

I am not sure whether exactly any such thing happened but quite confident something similar must have taken place.

Neighbor turrrrrrrning Fidayein

Our next door neighbor has turned Fidayein...i m talking about Pakistan. It's committing suicide what we can do to prevent it.
I can see a belt lurking sheepishly from it's shirt. But the danger is that this belt is strapping not a normal bomb around it's waist. It's nuclear bomb it possesses. Can we give love to those who hate us?

Christ said, "Offer the other cheek once slapped." Do we have two Indias to offer?

Gandhi ji said "Being non-violent is the biggest courage." In this penultimate round are we ready to show courage...or we will show cowardice?

Mannu the brave heart

Manmohan Singh today said in Shilong he hoped that Pakistan would handover the terrorist involved in the Mumbai attacks.

Isn’t it like jumping in a lion’s cage hoping he/she is a vegetarian?

More contacts

Prime Minister
http://pmindia.nic.in/write.htm

CPI
cc@cpim.org

Congress Party
aicc@congress.org.in <aicc@congress.org.in>

BJP

bjpco@del3.vsnl.net.in

Actions taken - the nations owes an apology

Hi,

It's my first mail to the first citizen of India. And i have just one agenda that you will join the campaign of seeking an unconditional apology from Kerala's CM V.S. Achutanand.

Rahul

ID: presidentofindia@rb.nic.in
Please send your version of such mails to the president, prime minister, CPM party chief and other leaders and people in general.

This is a test of our democracy.

It's not a post...it's a campaign

I want unconditional apology from Kerala's Chief Minster V.S Achuthanandan.
And immediate removal of this a****** from power.
If you agree with me then find ways to disseminate the message far and wide till we get rid of this man, if you still think he is one.
Here is his sinful comment: “"If it had not been (Major) Sandeep's house, not even a dog would have glanced that way," said Achuthanandan, a day after being chased away by the father of the officer.

इंतज़ार का सूरज
चमकता रहा
बिन एक बदल के
और सपने जैसे चाँद
उधार की रौशनी से सराबोर
एक ग्रहण भी न लगा
काले बदल भी गए भूल
भेजना बूँदें
की जिसमे भीग
होती कुछ तपिश कम...

"Main Jeetay Hoon." I am Jeetay

Sharing the cab with five women was quite an experience of my life. Mr. Murthy about whom i have already discussed used to sit with the driver whose name was Bunty. And I used to brave the phenomenal majority of fair sex. One fine day Bunty ditched us all and vanished.

Then came Jeetay and the fact he hated was that all the women without fail while talking about him said Bunty is...g===,b==,u====...poor Jeetay kept on asking me this question who is better Bunty or him??? The ladies without understanding his problem kept on saying, “Bunty thoda dheere chalao”..Bunty go slow.

He became enemy of someone he never met. And all those ladies never understood his problem. Their casual attitude toward his name was the cause of his agony. He always wanted to say, "Main Jeetay Hoon." I am Jeetay.

It’s natural

He says,"it is natural."

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Who is he?

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In fact it's natural.

He just found this (naturally) torn banner in Noida.

He’s not a Gay right’s champion like Priyanka Chopra. He’s not even a straight right’s champion…lols…just a good observer.

I like those women, who...

Mr. Murthy is a genuinely nice person. One in a millions, abides by the book for everything, follows the rules, well-read, well-fed, a quality man...so what's the big deal? I used to share a cab with him. Mr. Murthy used to shower his bounty of knowledge on me. He speaks little and very sensible.

I am starting this cab tales series where i will share some of my experiences in the cab. One day our cab system came to a sudden halt because of Delhi and Noida police. The person who was running the cab service got fed up of police harrasment. Mr. Murthy came to our rescue with his old car. He was so modest, just mark these words uttered to otherwise foot soldiers :), "Your are most welcome to join me but i have an old carrrrrr."

The car was a luxury to say the least when you compare it with DTC buses. Another member of our car pool was Rita, a perfectionist. When at home doing all the household chores and when at work doing rest of the house hold chores...ha ha ha. No an excellent worker at workplace also. Very quick witted and intelligent…She also joined Mr. Murthy's car after the cab went for a toss.

Mr Murthy after getting a male majority in the vehicle became slightly more vocal. Other wise in our cab five women outnumbered two men in every respect ;). He had all the information about financial sector, latest branding trends and other current affairs. I could understand the level of boredom Rita faced after having the overwhelming majority she was a minority. But she maintained a dignified silence with sprinkle of words here and there.

Once in a very good humour (and the only time he became illogical - why only women), Mr Murthy said, "I like those women who speak less." And he didn't stop at that, "Ladies should avoid speaking more than required." And Rita already chat starved was witnessing Mr Murthy saying this and expecting a yeeeeeees. Isn't it naive or of Mr Murthy? i thought it is.

But the deadliest blow was he said, "You know Mada'm, what i like about you is that you speak very little." Rita was silenced and pushed to such a high pedestal that now whenever she meets her other cab mates she tends to speak less because...I LIKE THE WOMEN WHO...ha ha ha

The most populated Date

It's been a very hectic month so far, cardiologist, clinic, ticketing…all crazy stuff happening around. Some heart breaks, burns and attacks...still life is moving on with a steady pace. Firmly following its course making mockery of our plans...i have seen quite a lot of that in blogosphere also.

Na na no...i am not going to share any thing gloomy. My friend came from Lucknow to visit a famous cardiologist in his last attempt to avoid his dad’s bypass surgery. His would be in-laws were also visiting Delhi with his would be wife. And i thought i must earn some punya (reward of good work) by making the couple meet. And let me tell you, it's quiet a task. They both were at my place and wanted to go somewhere alone...and the very word going alone raised some eye brows. Finally we clinched a deal that five people will go on this hilarious date.

I was supposed to go with one more friend to drop the couple at a nearby mall. Her dad pushed my friend’s brother-in-law in the party. This world's most populated date started at the entrance of the mall. I asked myself how to counter this bhai-behen prem (brother-sister love). (Ref: The song "Chand sitaron ka sabka kehna hai....). I wanted the couple to sing: "jab pyaar kiya to darna kya...(why to fear when in love)" But the girl was not ready for the ride. So at the entrance, i started talking to her brother with the other friend covering his view. And the couple disappeared in a hurry.

I started asking him all those questions without any interest in answers. Some questions you may need them sometime in life

Who is better Shahrukh or Salman?
When do you go to office?
What do you do there?
How is boss like?
Who do you like more Katrina or Kareena?
Do you smoke?
Do you have a girl friend?
Are there more arrest happening in Delhi blast?
Do you love your job?
Is your girl friend beautiful?
Are you planning to marry her?
Does she like your job?
What's your salary?
What do you think about new nuclear deal?
What do you feel about India’s medals in Olympics?
Many more…

Huhh!!! ha ha ha…

While i was barraging him with questions my friend was getting some private moments with his would be wife amidst the crowd unknown. By the time his brother-in-law could understand how irrelevant my questions were he had already answered my dozens of questions. All three of us were donating blood to a long queue of mosquitoes…as all is fair in date and friendship.

Instead of saying, he had to keep an eye on his sister, he said, "we are getting late – aren't we?" I said, “yeahhhhhhhhhhh” and started telling him tales of my friends eloping successfully. Because he told me in one of his answers that he has a girl friend. He listened to all those stories with open mouth – i could manage to squeeze out another half an hour. Then finally his dad's words became better of him and he said firmly, “now we should go back.” And that is how this most populated date ended.